Day Six- Favorite Internet Friend

Carly Baker is my favorite internet friend. She writes and says the funniest stuff. I laugh at all of her jokes and love all of the quotes and pictures she puts up. She is inspiring & she cracks me up.

Wine

"Red, red wine... stay close to me. Don't let me be in love. It's tearing me apart. My blue, blue heart."

Preoccupied

My mind has been so busy lately. Sorry for the lack of blogs. I've been under so much stress the last couple of weeks. However, I am happy to say that the majority of my stress has been lifted, thanks to the amazing company that I work for.

Alex is in Mexico for a week. It makes me depressed, but I'll live. We need a break anyway, we haven't been fighting... but we haven't exactly been on the same page lately.

I need Christmas, I want to be with my family. I miss them all so much.

Horoscope

"Speak your mind clearly, Scorpio. Other people aren't mind readers like you are. If you keep waiting for someone to figure out what you're thinking, it will be a long time before the truth comes out. Give people a break and let them know what's going on inside your head. Communication is important, and today it begins with you. Feel free to take the first step toward opening the door."

Good thing people aren't in my mind.
Today it kept shouting one word over and over.

Wishes

"In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die. Where you invest your love, you invest your life."

Gone

"It's amazing that after all we've been through, we can walk by each other, give each other an awkward smile and pretend we never knew each other."

You

"In my wildest dreams, you always play the hero. In my darkest hour of night, you save my life."

"Sometimes your nearness takes my breath away and all the things I want to say can find no voice. Then, in silence, I can only hope my eyes will speak my heart."

N.P.

"I, being, poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams."

Day Five- My Dreams

Is this referring to the dreams I dream at night or my hopes for the future?

I'm going to assume my hopes and plans for the future. I don't really want to describe what I dream when I sleep anymore. You can see my past dreams on this blog. secretsofthedreamer.blogspot.com

My hopes and dreams are big. Most importantly, I want to be a fantastic writer. I've always loved writing and reading. The first step is getting my Bachelor's degree in English. I want to write beautiful books.
My dreams also include... getting married and having a beautiful family. I just want to be happy.
Writer. Wife. Children. Happiness. --My dreams laid out for you--

Hmph

Rearranged by room and found a surprise in my bed. :D

<3333

Sisters- Laura Nadine Scanlon

Laura- When Laura was born, all I could think about was how beautiful she was. That's all I talked about from the moment I saw her and held her. She was like a little baby doll. I was spending time with my family that day while my dad and Linda were in the hospital and my cousin Daniel couldn't stand to be near me.... because I couldn't stop talking about Laura. I feel like Laura is my mini me in so many ways. When I was her age, we could pass for twins, her hair is a little lighter and her eyes are more blue while mine are more green. I adore Laura.

Sisters- Keleigh "Skye" Robinson

Skye- I remember when I was growing up, the thing I wanted the most was to have a little sister. Not a brother, I never wanted a brother. So when one day my mom announced she was having a baby, I was ecstatic. I was only six at the time. When Skye came into the world I adored her, I was practically her second mom. I was very protective over her and would hardly let anyone else hold her. When she was born, I remember I was the first to hold her... even before my mom. My mom knew just how important Skye was to me and had the doctor give her to me first (I was in the room when she was born). Skye is my most difficult sister. She puts me through literal hell and we fight constantly, but she holds the most special place in my heart. I intend to show her that for the rest of my life.

Sisters- Alexandria Kay Taylor

Alex- I met Alex when I was seven years old. I met her when my dad started dating Linda (my stepmother) I extremely disliked her when I first met her. She was only three at the time. But I couldn't understand why she cried so much. We're not the closest, actually we're like polar opposites when it comes to personalities. But she means a lot to me. She is not just my stepsister. She is my sister. I will always be there for her if she needs me and I will always do what I feel is in her best interest at heart. I hope she always knows that and understands that. It's not easy to be the oldest... if you read this Alex, I hope you consider that and learn to apologize and also to forgive.

Day Four- Sisters

I have three beautiful sisters.

Alexandria Kay Taylor - April 10, 1995
Keleigh "Skye" Robinson- April 22, 1997
Laura Nadine Scanlon- December 18, 2000

My parents split up before I was three. I technically have two half sisters and one step sister, but I consider them all my sisters.
I am going to post a specific post for each of them.

Change

Little change of scenery... I rearranged my room. Ahhh... it feels nice. Cleaned everything and organized it. Alex is currently working on homework... what's new? I feel so proud of him. He graduates with his Bachelors in Business Administration in May. He's been working so hard and he almost has a 4.0 to show for it. He's going to be extra busy this weekend, his finals are coming up.

Tomorrow I'm going to a Christmas party. I love Holiday parties and I'm so excited. I get to dress up too.

Found out that my cousin Angela is expecting her second child to be a boy again. Our family is very happy and feels very blessed. Her youngest son Devin must be so excited. He is the sweetest little boy in the world and I know he'll be a great big brother.

That's it for now everyone... my other blog is keeping me super busy lately. It seems to get more attention than this one now.

Stalkers :)

San Diego, CA, United States	Today @ 1:04 am	6
Scranton, PA, United States	29 Nov 2010	8
Atlanta, GA, United States	28 Nov 2010	1
Providence, UT, United States	23 Nov 2010	7
Chicago, IL, United States	23 Nov 2010	3
Escondido, CA, United States	22 Nov 2010	2
Las Vegas, NV, United States	22 Nov 2010	6
Santa Monica, CA, United States	22 Nov 2010	1
Lake In The Hills, IL, United States	21 Nov 2010	1
Woodstock, IL, United States	15 Nov 2010	11
Satellite Provider	15 Nov 2010	8
Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam	10 Nov 2010	1
Calgary, AB, Canada	5 Nov 2010	1
Harbor City, CA, United States	1 Nov 2010	3

Painter

I decided I wanted to look like a painter today and just realized it 5 minutes ago.
Laughing my ass off.

December

Hello lovely December... nice to see you!
<3333

Love Her

Favorite.

Day Three- Parents

This one is hard for me. To be honest, I consider my stepmother my mom. She is the only one who has every played a maternal role in my life, other than my grandmothers.

I love my true mother so much, but she breaks my heart every time I see her. My mom has problems. For the longest time, I didn't want to believe what everyone around me told me. As I grew up, I learned the truth on my own. My little sister will begin to notice soon enough. One of the most important things she has taught me is not to become what she has become. It just hurts me sometimes to know that I didn't have an normal, loving mother. Or for that matter, a normal childhood, like most children have. I've learn to let go because of her. Only she can make the change, and even though the time has passed for her to make it for my sake... she still has time to do it for my little sister.

I used to adore my father. I couldn't wait to spend my weekends with him. But as I got older, we drifted apart. I assume it's because I am his first child and he didn't know how to deal with a rebellious teenage daughter. Whatever the reason, our relationship now is stiff. He is worried about me, always so worried. But it's the little things that he does that shows me he cares. His own little things. I know my dad loves me. He has cared about me my whole life. I just hope that someday I can make him proud.

My stepmom and I have a rocky relationship. But I think that's the way mother/daughter relationships are... I can't be sure though considering that until I met her.. I never knew. She makes me feel loved and safe. Whenever I need a hug or need to cry or need to vent, I go to her.

So there... I know it's not the most inspirational or most uplifting story about parents. But I spoke the truth, at least the truth that is in my heart.

Kisses

I love you Alexander.

730 Days

I've been with my love for two years.
I've been with my best friend for two years.

Oh November 22, 2008... I remember you like yesterday.
I remember that day in vivid colors.
He was wearing a bright green shirt when I saw him. He drove two hours to come and visit me. He surprised me at my work, and when I saw him I felt overwhelmed and giddy and complete, just like I had felt every day that I saw him since meeting him. But this day was different. Even though, I had felt this way about him since the day I met him, he finally felt it back. He wanted me. Finally. When I walked out and found him waiting for me with yellow daisies and red roses waiting in his hands, a brilliant smile on his face, I knew he was it for me.

Everything about that day makes me so happy. Whenever we fight, or I'm sad, or angry... I bring myself back to the emotions I felt that day. I keep going, our love gives me strength and helps me persevere.

Thank you Alexander Yahed Ontiveros.
Thank you for showing me what it feels like to be in love, and giving me hope, courage, and strength. I wouldn't be who I am without you. And I hope you know that I love every single thing about you, I wouldn't change anything about you. You are so loved.

"Two years... wanna make it three?"
I adore you, happy anniversary my love.

Day Two- My Crush

Alex Ontiveros.... he's more than a crush though. He is my everything. I will never stop loving him. He has been my best friend for three years. And my boyfriend for two years. I take him for granted sometimes, but he is my favorite person on this planet. I hope I never lose him.

Lost

I feel lost and alone.

Day One- Best Friend

Rochelle Anne Manion- This girl is such a wonderful person. She is the most giving and unselfish person I have ever met. We have only been friends for about three years, but she has changed my life in so many ways. We partied together, we ditched senior year classes together, cried together, listened to Maroon 5 for hours, painted all night, and most importantly we've taken care of each other. We're different in so many ways, but alike in so many others. I think I would die without her in my life. She saw me through my toughest times.

She is my best friend.

Blog Challenge

Leilani inspired me to take the 30 day blog challenge.
Her blogs are so interesting.
I think this challenge will tell you a lot more about me. I also thinks it'll help me in a lot of ways.

By the way... check out Leilani's blog.
lizardcatcherrx.blogspot.com :)

Here's what I'm going to do.
With each blog I'll write to/about one of the following people
Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling(s) (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — A stranger
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

722

722 days since I finally had a wish granted.
Te amo precioso.

Bullshit

Give me something to live for.
I want wine.

Time

Time is going by so fast. I miss being a kid. I wanted time to go by faster.

I miss having friends, not necessarily the people I have cut out of my life. I cut them out for a reason. I just miss being able to have friends to call. I also miss having too many things to do... too many parties.... too many events. I do enjoy privacy, but not all of the time. I really want to move away from San Diego. I want to make the most of the time I have here. I miss writing so much, I just don't have time. I don't have time to do half of the stuff I want or need to do.

Funny

I think it's funny when exes think you still care. :)

Inspire Me

Check out my new blog.

inspirecamber.blogspot.com
I'm going to post daily questions to see what inspires people and makes people happy. :)

Rest in Peace

R.I.P. First car I ever loved, I've given up hope that you'll come back to me. Thanks for all the great times and not costing me a fortune. I hope your new owner is at least good to you... even though he/she is an asshole. Just let your breaks go out on them or something. ;)

P.S. Thank you to my wonderful Uncle for buying me the best car ever. May you R.I.P. as well, I love you and miss you every day. Thanks for being the best Uncle in the world.

OmNomNomNom

So tonight.. I'm going to relax and take a break from worrying about everything. I'm going to enjoy some "me" time. I rarely have time to myself, and I'm okay with that... but it sounds really great tonight. I'm going to read or write... or do something I actually enjoy. :)

Need

a new car.

Need

a new car.

NEW BLOG

I HAVE A NEW BLOG!!!
My goal is to find out what inspires people and what makes them happy.
Let me know. And also view some of my favorite things.
Don't worry, I'm still keeping this one too update you on my life.

Check it out.
inspirecamber.blogspot.com

:)

Healthy

I love eating healthy.
NEVER, EVER, EVER drinking soda again... or eating fast food. I love healthy food, it makes me feel so amazing. My boyfriend and I are being super healthy and I love it.

He's the best and he inspires me to be better... I love him so much!

Cigarettes

Quitting is not all shits and giggles.

I hate my life right now. But I know I'm going to love my life so much more when I do quit. Thank you to everyone that is being so supportive. Sorry for the lack of blogging lately... here's a quick update on my life.

-CAR IS STILL MISSING!!!
-I did not get drunk on my birthday this year! :)
-I had a wonderful birthday!
-Alex got me an ipod for my birthday!
-I am hardcore changing my eating habits... BTW if you haven't read "Skinny Bitch"... go read it now.
-I miss cigarettes.
-I'm 20!!!!!!!!
-I still love my job.

That's it, more later loves...

Teenager

Oh... and today is my last day being a teenager. I wonder what my twenties will bring...

Blog

I think I 'm going to start a new blog today. Of course I'm going to keep this one. This one is my personal blog. I'm going to start one about my different passions... some of my favorite stuff. I'll post more info about it later. :)

Vacation

Going to Knott's Scary Farm for the weekend.
:D

Car

I am praying that they will find my car soon. If they don't find it in the next two weeks, I'm going to fix my mom's car. It's probably going to be around $300-$400 to fix and it's a pretty good car. At this point, I don't even care... a car is a car. Even if it was a $500 beater car I would be happy. You never really see all the good you have in your life until it's gone. This might sound crazy, but I am kind of happy that this happened. No, I'm not happy that I don't have a car... but I am happy that I have learned so much from the situation. I had to grow up a lot in the last few weeks and losing the car has made me a more responsible person. Life is about learning and growing. I know God has a plan for me and everything will be fine soon. I miss my family a lot. Sometimes, you think you're ready to grow up and move out and be independent... but I don't think I was. There's no going back now, I am an adult. I am okay with being independent, I just wish I had put more effort into the relationships with my family. I love them all very much and would do anything for them. I need a lot of prayers the next couple of weeks... maybe something good will happen.

Alex has been the best supporter imaginable and I adore him.

Sick

I'm so sick, and I'm so pissed. I had an asthma attack yesterday and had to go to urgent care. My asthma has never been that bad. I can't go to the Maroon 5 concert tomorrow and I'm so mad. I'm way too sick to be at a concert, and I had to miss pretty much this whole week of work... and I really can't afford that.

In a couple weeks though, I'm going to buy the part to fix my mom's car.
I'm praying that I get better soon though, I really hate being sick. >:(

October

I love October so much. Just thought I'd throw that out there.

Everything is going so much better lately. I've had strep throat the last few days, but other than that... life is great. Everything is set up at my new house, and I'm saving to fix my mom's Camry. I have been walking to work everyday... so I can't wait to have a car again.
My boyfriend is amazing, he spoils me. I am so happy to have such a wonderful man in my life. I'm very in love with him and I feel so lucky to have found him.

I need to do something new with my hair... it's boring lately. I think I'm going to grow it out again and color it a lighter brown.

Home

New place to call home.
I moved out and it's very nice. Almost all settled here in El Cajon. I love it, it's right next to my work. :)
I'm so glad something worked out for me. My boyfriend has helped me so much and I am honestly so grateful to have him in my life. Thanks Alex.
I miss my family though & I feel far from home. I've lived in Clairemont my whole life... El Cajon feels so different.
But I am happy.

Empty

Why do things like this have to happen to me? I'm a good person, I feel like I have to keep trying to convince myself that I am. I didn't deserve this, no one deserves this. I finally had something going right with me, my job... the job that I worked so hard to get. And I wait for somebody to help me, and there's nobody to do that. I feel hopeless. The money I earn goes to all of my bills, I just don't understand why life has to be so hard. I don't understand why there are bad people out there. I feel empty. One step forward and two steps back. It'll always be that way. I feel like there is no hope for me.

Weekend

I've had a great weekend so far, other than the fact that my car still hasn't been found. My boyfriend is the best person I've ever known and I am so grateful to have him in my life. Goodbye shitty September, hello wonderful October... my favorite month.

I'm worried I might lose my job if I don't get my car back soon though, or find some other solution. I might just have to buy some crappy car until I get it back. Ugh, I hate the person that did this.

Better news... my birthday is in 29 days, on Halloween. I'm having my birthday party the night before. And on my actual birthday, Alex and I are just going to sit in and watch horror movies all day. I'm excited.

I will keep everyone updated on my car... hopefully it's found soon. Pray for me everyone.

Depressed

I want to die.

Karma

I have a gut feeling that someone I know stole my car.... not a friend, an acquaintance. And I think I know who it is. In the moment of something happening like this, you don't put the pieces together until later... you just worry about the shock of what is going on. Then... you start thinking, why me? What did I do wrong? And become aware of little clues. Just pieces that are slightly off. I'm so mad, I don't even know if I'll be able to function the next couple of days. I'm just going to hope that my car is found and that this PERSON and ALL involved are caught. I don't deserve this, I am a good person. Just know that if you are not caught now... karma is a bitch, and I'm about 90% sure I know who you are.

Fuck YOU!

My car was stolen while I was in work today.

Lord help keep me from killing myself and find the asshole that did this. I hope he gets what's coming to him. Fucking prick.

Favorite

Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson are my favorite couple in this universe.
They're adorable and real and beautiful.

September

Go away September, I don't want to have to think of you for another year. At one point you were my happiest month and November was my worst. And now November is my best and September is my worst. Thanks, that's it. :)

Coach

I love my Coach glasses, and the fact that I can see. :)

Linger

"I could still remember his human eyes in that wolf face; they'd looked as empty as I felt. Folded in my arms, you're a butterfly in reverse. Giving up your wings, inheriting my curse. You're letting go of me. You're letting go."

22 Months

Alex and I have almost been together two years. Things have been tough, but they're getting better. No matter how bad things get... we never leave each other. It's kind of ridiculous, if people knew our full story, they would question our sanity. It's almost like we're addicted to each other. But, he is my best friend. He makes me happy. And I love him more than I could ever explain to anyone. I have faith in us.

22

Stress

It's be really nice if a million dollars just fell on to my lap right now. No, I don't even want that... I just want enough to pay my bills. I'm working hard. I'll be where I want to be soon enough.

Cold

I want it to be cold more than anything right now. Winter is my favorite time of year. I wish I could talk to someone about these emotions that run through me. I need someone to understand. It's rare that my thoughts and feelings get this bad, but I just store so much up and forget about it so that it eventually finds it's way back up and hits me all at once. Most importantly, I just want to be loved.

Glasses

Check it out --->

:)

Right or Wrong?

I have a very distinct feeling. It couldn't be possible, but I still feel like it's real. I feel empty and whole at the same time. I feel lost. I feel helpless, but I still feel like there is some hope left. Maybe, just maybe.
Am I right or wrong? Please let me be right.

Shiver

"As the hours crept by, the afternoon sunlight bleached all the books on the shelves to pale, gilded versions of themselves and warmed the paper and ink inside the covers so that the smell of unread words hung in the air."

My dreams taste like reality.

22

Happy Birthday to the love my life... Alexander Ontiveros. I hope you have a great 22nd birthday... 22 is our lucky number. :) I love you. Forever.

Titanic

is my favorite movie of all time! Watching it with the love of my life.

September

It always the same.
Every September.
Memories.

And to add to it... here comes Maroon 5.
I love you.

Baby

"... see there's this place in me where your fingerprints still rest, your kisses still linger, and your whispers softly echo. It's the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me."

"The most wonderful of all things in life is the discovery of another human being with whom one's relationship has a growing depth, beauty and joy as the years increase. This inner progressiveness of love between two human beings is a most marvelous thing; it cannot be found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it. It is a sort of divine accident, and the most wonderful of all things in life."

"The couple that fights the most is the one most in love... it shows they care enough to notice the other one screwed up and care enough to mention it to the person so they can fix it. When you stop fighting it means you stopped caring."

Skype

me. :)

100

This is my 100th post! LOL. So, I've been soooo busy lately and very exhausted. I haven't had a lot of time to write my blogs, not like people read them that often anyways, haha. So my new job is fantastic, I've been there for about a month and I LOVE IT!!! I have been stressed lately though, I have a lot of anxiety about some issues in my life right now. Hopefully I can figure everything out soon.

Alex is in Mexico, spending time with his family. I miss him so much, but I'm happy he's getting to see them for the week because he doesn't visit them often. And it's a little vacation away from his home. The last couple weeks were hard on him. His parents were being mean. We all know they hate my guts and would most likely attempt to murder me if they were close enough. So that puts a strain on him at home. But I have been praying for his relationships with his family and also his relationship with me. I trust God will help us through this and make us a stronger couple in the long run. I love him so much and I hope he knows that.

That's it for now.

OH! I love listening to the ROCK 105.3 show in the morning... it's the best thing on the radio. :)

Gone

Alex is in Mexicali for a week and I'm going to miss him like crazy.

Hate

I just want the two of you to know that though you hate me, you will someday realize how wrong you are in your logic for hating me. I also want you to know that I will never hate you. I will be honest, at times I have wanted to.... but I haven't given in. All of the things you have said and done to me were purely done out of blind hate, and I will never step down to your level. I am a kind-hearted person, but I am a fighter. And to top it all off, I am the most stubborn person you will EVER meet. But most importantly you need to know that I am strong, I have a strength that both of you will never see in your lifetime. So if you want to keep fighting, just know that I will fight much, MUCH harder. You've seen what we have been through, do you honestly think we're just going to walk away from each other after all of that? HA!

Professional

I really enjoy my new job, it's everything I have been looking for and so much more. I am so grateful. Having this job takes a lot of stress off of me. I can't wait to move out and be independent again. I love my parents so much for helping me, but I am so ready to be on my own again. It should only take a few more months to have my own place... I'm so ready!

Oh and look at what a gem I found while reading Glamour magazine!... pic is attached. Go check out the movement www.operationbeautiful.com

:) Smile.

Twenty

I'm learning a lot about myself, I miss him constantly. You know how that goes...

Nine

I need you and I miss you but I'm not sure what to do. I don't know how to tell you how much you've meant to me all this time. I'm afraid we're lost.

Wisdom

My best friend is my everything. She helps me so much. Rochelle has shown me what true friendship means and I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world. Wow, I missed her a lot the last two weeks while she was in Panama.
I've been so stressed and I've needed her so much. It's nice to know that I'll always have her.
She is honest and kicks my ass when I need it but she is pretty much the only person I can tell anything and not feel judged. Thank you Rochelle, for everything.

Ask

Go ask me anything you want anonymously! :)

www.formspring.me/camberlove

Cool. ;)

To you

Thanks for being my rock.
I want forever & I only want it with you.<3

New

I'm ready for everything to start. Thank you God for everything, I truly feel blessed right now.

Security is nice. <3 I don't feel like I'm going crazy anymore.

July

Over it.

Bored

I miss Rochelle, she's in Panama for two weeks and I need my best friend back. Or maybe I just need an all out girls night. I want to go dancing or do some girly shit. Lol. I don't really know, but the people I am around the most lately are bugging me. I need a new scene. I miss life after I graduated high school, I was so care free... I really didn't give a shit about anything. I just want to have fun again, I feel like my life is way too serious.

Other news & rants:
-Alex and I have been together one year and ten months today. ;) I know, only lame people keep track of the crap... I guess that makes me lame. :)
-I can't wait to go to my doctor and officially figure out what's wrong with me... I'm so over this unhealthy shit.
-I want to do more bonfires this summer!
-I'm ready to move out with Jess and Alex.
-Summer is my favorite season. I don't care what anyone else says. It's full of happiness.
-And I apologize for all of the cussing in this blog entry... must just be in the mood today! ;)

You

are my heart and my reason for living.

Old

Can't wait for Titanic to come out in 3-d. I'm stoked. <3
Had a great day with Alex again, nothing that new.
I miss a few people that used to be in my life. I don't talk to them anymore, but I wish I knew how they were doing. I never believed my mom when she said people grow apart as they get older. I guess I'm old.

Wish you were here. <3

Sanity

I'm going to lose it soon if I don't get my life together. I need everything to work out for me. I am so discouraged about everything. I just need everything to pull together for me. I have put myself in a really bad mess and I am praying that it all works out in the end.

Love

Alex makes me happier than anything or anyone. Today was a great day for us. It was simple and we relaxed but it reminded me again of how much I completely adore him.<3

Look at how adorable he is with his new hair cut! :)

Hello

"Playground school bell rings again.
Rain clouds come to play again.
Has no one told you she's not breathing?
Hello, I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to... hello.

If I smile and don't believe,
soon I know I'll wake from this dream
Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken.
Hello, I am the lie living for you so you can hide.
Don't cry.

Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping.
Hello, I'm still here
All that's left of yesterday."

Broken

We're broken and I don't know how to fix us.
We're lost and I don't know which direction to take us.

I need to change, you need to change... we should be working with each other, not against each other. I want things to work, no, I need things to work. You mean the world to me. I'm focused on mending things and fixing them but there is only so much that one person can do. Our relationship needs to be an effort from both of us. I deserve better than this and you deserve respect... there needs to be a balance.

Friends

So I'm annoyed because I am really sunburned.
Here's a pic though! :)
Some of the old crew... we had an awesome bon fire on Saturday night.
IN order: Alex, me, Mike, Andrew, Rochelle, and Jessica.
All of us were in the original "crew". Mike introduced Alex and I. Jessica and her boyfriend Charlie (not pictured) will be Mine and Alex's roommates in November. Rochelle and Andrew... well nobody ever knows what's going on with them, LOL! And I missed them all a lot (besides Alex... because I spend every minute that I have with him... haha) Just a quick update.
Come quicker November!<3

Summer

Summer finally feels like it started. The sun made an appearance this weekend, it was awesome. We had a bon fire and a lot of the old crew came. We all had a blast together. And Spain won the World Cup final, Alex and I are super happy. It was a wonderful weekend.

Hey

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November

I am taking control.
I have a goal and it is GOING to happen!

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...

TEN things you wish you could say to ten different people right now:

1 . You are killing yourself, and there's nothing I can do to stop you. You have to make the decision to stop... not for me anymore, but for her.
2 . I just want you to be proud of me.
3 . I'll never accept your decision, but I miss you terribly.
4 . You made me the person I am today, thank you for everything. I hope that someday I will be the person you were and have all of the knowledge and wisdom you had.
5 . You are my strength and my weakness. My love for you is permanent and unconditional. You're the other half of me... you have the missing pieces.
6 . I wish we weren't growing apart.. you mean the world to me. You are my family.
7 . Thank you for being so much more than a best friend. Thank you for being my support, when I was UN-human. Thanks for being honest and putting me in my place. I'll never let you out of my life.
8 . I am so proud of you. But I miss you more than anything!
9 . I'm so sorry for everything I've put you through. You deserve better and I am going to try much harder.
10 . As much as you hate me, I pity you. And someday you will realize you were wrong, and at that time I will be the bigger person and accept your apologies. Because what we have, will never change.

NINE things about yourself :

1 . I am too stubborn, I need to stop pushing people and accept their answers.
2 . I have a high tolerance for physical pain, but an extremely low tolerance for emotional.
3 . I have NO tolerance for people that do drugs. You're not welcome in my life if you do.
4 . Writing is my escape.
5 . I'm very afraid of moths and bridges.
6 . Love is the most important thing to me. Every type of love.
7 . There's not enough time for me to do all of the things I need to do.
8 . I am confident with the type of person I am, but self-conscious about my appearance.
9 . I don't sing well but I enjoy singing.

EIGHT ways to win your heart , in no particular order :

1 . Sing to me.
2 . Have a good sense of humor.
3 . The little things matter the most, so show them.
4 . Be willing to commit.
5 . Have direction.
6 . Show me you care.
7 . Prove that you're worth my time.
8 . Be Alex.

SEVEN things that cross your mind a lot, in no particular order :

1 . Bills.
2 . How much time do I have?
3 . Moving out.
4 . Alex.
5 . Work and success.
6 . Money.
7 . The future.

SIX things you do before you fall asleep :

1 . Wash my face.
2 . Brush my teeth.
3 . Internet.
4 . Write a blog or write parts of my book.
5 . Watch TV.
6 . Talk to Alex.

FIVE people who mean a lot to you :

1 . Alex.
2 . Rochelle.
3 . Jazmine & Sidd.
4 . Dad & Mom & Linda.
5 . Alexandria & Skye & Laura. (Sisters)
--Sorry, that's more like 10... :)

FOUR things you’re wearing right now :

1 . Pajama bottoms.
2 . Big t-shirt.
3 . Nail Polish.
4 . Slippers.

THREE songs that you listen to often :

1 . "My Immortal" by Evanescence.
2 . "She Says" by Howie Day.
3 . "Between the Lines" by Sara Bareilles.

TWO things you want to do before you die :

1 . Be successful.
2 . Get married and have children.

ONE confession :

1 . I push people away, even when I need them.

TRUTHS as of this moment in your life :::

1 . Truthfully … I need to be more respectful and responsible.
2 . Truthfully … Something is wrong with my health and it bothers me more and more when doctors can't find the answer.
3 . Truthfully … My job is a great opportunity.
4 . Truthfully … My boyfriend and I fight like every other couple. But we have a bond that I know is original and real. And we'll most likely never experience it with anyone else.
5 . Truthfully … I need to find a good balance in my life.
6 . Truthfully … I am learning from my mistakes.
7 . Truthfully … I am much more mature than others my age.
8 . Truthfully … If you lose my trust, it will take a long time to regain it.

Hmph

Love is unconditional.

Pain

I don't want to be in pain anymore. I want to feel normal again. I fainted today for a few minutes... for no reason at all. This is getting ridiculous, my mom and Alex called 911 because I wasn't waking up. The pain in my back is getting worse everyday... and doctors can't figure out what's wrong with me, or they're not talking the time to figure it out. It's so frustrating. It's holding me back from work and it's interfering with my personal life.

And... Alex helps me more than he knows. I love him so much.

Please

Please God let me make enough money to move out by November.

Bliss

I had a great night with Alex. The amusing thing with us is that we can spend an hour together (like tonight) and have a wonderful time together. Or we can spend a whole day together and it can be a little off. Yes, we have our off days like any other couple. But to me, nights like this by far outweigh the off days. I've never felt more committed to anyone or anything in my life. It was a special day for us, and my coincidence... one of our anniversaries. We've been together for a year and seven months today. <3

“I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”

Another

Sorry for so many blogs, just been thinking.

Is it better to be deeply in love with someone and know their feeling are nowhere close to yours? Or care deeply for someone, feel safe with them and know they adore you?
I guess there are positives to both. You know what scares me? Being in love with someone, it terrifies me... especially if they don't love you as much as you love them. I shied away from those types of relationships my whole life. I didn't want to be rejected, I didn't want to feel pain. Heartbreak is without a doubt the most painful thing in the world, I'd take any amount of pain over it. Most of my blogs are about love, I'm sure it's obnoxious... but it fascinates me... I'm still trying to figure it all out. I can tell the difference when I see couples, I can tell who loves who more... or if there is a balance. That would be ideal, if there was always a balance between the couples love. But that is rare. It's sad to know that people that love each other so much at one point in their lives could potentially forget each other. Somebody you knew everything about can potentially turn into a stranger. I hope it won't be us.

Dreams

Oh and just another reminder.... I have two blogs. This one is my life blog, the other is my dreams blog. I record all of my dreams down. Check it out sometime secretsofthedreamer.blogspot.com
I just put a new one up. :)

Piano & Love

I miss playing piano. I've been so busy. I also miss recording songs. I really want to finish learning "My Immortal" so I can play and sing and record it.
Piano makes me happy, I let myself get away for a little bit when I play. I sing everyday on my way to work and on my way home. That makes me happy too. I just love music. But my music taste is so different from everyone else. Sure I can listen to anything and be content. But my favorite artists are generally artists that most people have never heard of.

I hope Alex and I can make it. We sincerely love each other and I know if we focus we can do it. We're complete opposites, so at times it's hard to agree on... well on just about anything. I try and think of myself without him and I fail every time. I know what it was like without him, it hurt... it was horrible. I couldn't hold myself together. But sometimes he frustrates me like no other. That's what love is about though, working with each other. The arguments and disagreements we get into don't even compare to all of the other things we have been through. Handling our little petty issues should be a cinch for us... but they're worse than ever. The good thing is we both apologize and go back to normal fairly quick. We're just completely different people. I think our love holds us together...

SUMMER

"Summertime... and the livins' easy..."
:)
Mmmmm, I can taste summer and it's beautiful. Fair and concert tomorrow with my boyfriend, Alex and best friend, Rochelle. Then, Chelle and I are going to a concert! :)

Summer goals:
-GO CAMPING!
-TONS OF BONFIRES!
-BEACH DAYS!
-FIREWORKS!
-STAY UP ALL NIGHT!
-JULIAN!
:)

Cool. ;)

Happy

I'm so optimistic about everything! Can't wait to move in with Alex in November. I love my job, I love all of the people in my life right now. I'm just happy.

Oh and I like being blonde. ;]

Blonde

I have blonde hair.
And Alex thinks it's sexy.

I think that's enough for one post. Lmao.