Hello...

Anybody out there? I have been in the strangest mood lately. I've also been extremely insecure about myself in the past couple days. I want a better body. I want to look good. Ugh, it's so frustrating. I hope that I can get past this emotional weakness I feel too, it's driving me insane. I want nothing more to be happy, but I also want everyone else in my life and everyone else around me to be happy too. I care so much about everyone around me, I think I need to care more about myself. I don't have time to do a lot of the things that I want to. My best friend had a baby on 1/28/2010. He is so beautiful and I am very happy for her, I hope things work out for the best.

"The human heart has hidden treasures, in secret kept, in silence sealed; the thoughts, the hopes, the dreams, the pleasures, whose charms were broken if revealed."

I feel like I am going insane.

A New Direction

I feel more relieved than I have in months. There is no other way to describe it, I think everything is going to be a lot better now. All I have to say is thank you.

Bring On The Rain

There has been a storm in San Diego for the last week... I usually love this weather, but right now it is getting on my nerves. Rain, clouds, hail, thunder, lightening... ugh. I'm really over it to say the least. I haven't written in a while. To catch up... I have been having the strangest dreams lately... I do not even know how to begin to describe them. But honestly, when I wake up... I want to dream more. I remember all the details from all of them. However, some of them are really starting to bother me. My book is still a work in progress, I want to be finished writing the first draft by May or June. I'm too self-conscious to put anymore of it up though. About to enjoy some much needed relaxation... it has been a busy week, and it's only going to get busier next week when classes start. Until next time...

Sigh...

Not much new happening in my life lately. And to be honest, I am bored. I need to make changes, everything is just very overwhelming. Be back when something eventful happens.

Ask me anything

http://www.formspring.me/Camberlove.

Need

I want this to work out.

Shock

I'm having a bad day. I wish some people could mature, a lot. Why would anyone want inflict pain on someone they previously loved. Things change, people change, sometimes you just have to move on. I don't want to be wrapped up in your life anymore. I have my own life a beautiful one, and I need to appreciate it more... appreciate it for everything it is. So stop, please. Everything would be much easier if you were never in my life at all, but then of course I would not be where I am today. So thank you, I don't even know who you are anymore and I don't care to anymore. We've been lost for so long now that it does not matter. You're not the same as I remember you. You have definitely changed for the worse.

First Entry

First paragraph of the Prologue...
I have about 3 chapters now.

In a sense, time does not exist for me. Or at least, I do not want it to exist. As much as I yearn for it and desperately beg for it, it still shows me no mercy. Maybe the concept of free-will is what I should put my blame on. I have no choices. But I refuse to blame anything other than time. Time is neither precious nor dear to me; in fact I would call it my bitter enemy. Time has shown me nothing but cruel, repetitive sequences. Despite all this, I need it; I beg for it. My lives are wrapped around the concept of time. How much time do I have? Or a much more terrifying question, how much time do we have? My lives mean little next to his.

2010

I have a lot of New Years Resolutions. I don't know if I will be able to stick to them though. They're tough ones, for me at least. I need to learn how to let go of a lot of things. I need to let myself grow. By this time next year, I want to be in a healthy place both mentally and physically. I also want to focus on my book, it's off to a good start. It's very unlikely that it will ever get published, but I am going for my dream. I want this more than anything. I want to be a great writer. I have a lot of faith in the idea I have for my book, I think a lot of people could potentially identify with it. Maybe I'll start putting little entries of my book in here and see if I get any fans. I need to take a writing class though, I want to expand my knowledge more. This year is going to be a tough one, but I also think it will be very rewarding.

"Love is but the discover of ourselves in others and the delight in the recognition." -Alexander Smith