2011

Oh 2011...
You have been a great year for me. This has been the best year I've had since 2008. Everything has come together. And I am at least with peace with all issues that are unresolved.

Review of this year:
-Spent the majority of time with my best friend Jazmine and my godson Sidd.
-I bought my 2011 Toyota Corolla!
-Alex started working with me.
-Alex & I moved in together, in our first apartment.
-I got a promotion to Sales manager at my job!

Those are the top things that happened this year and I feel so blessed.

Let's see what 2012 brings! <33333333

Christmas

Christmas was truly wonderful this year. I am so blessed.
I saw almost all of my family. And for the first time, Alex joined my family and me for Christmas dinner. My Grandpa loved Alex immediately and I am so relieved because he is a hard judge. My Grandpa barely said two words to my last ex. I just feel so grateful that my prayers are being answered. 2011 was a year of hope for me. I am so lucky to have a wonderful and accepting family. I am blessed to have Alex, who is my best friend and the person I will probably spend the rest of my life with. God is helping me and answering my prayers, He is here with me every moment of every day. I am eternally grateful. He is the reason for the season. Always.

My strength and faith has grown so much in the last year.
<3333

Writing

I'm writing again.<3


& also praying that I get over this horrible cold soon.

1

"Night time sharpens, heightens each sensation.
Darkness stirs and wakes imagination.
Silently the senses abandon their defenses."

The Other

It's simple.
"Not him... the other. It's always been the other...."
Why am I just now realizing this when I feel as if I've known forever?

I was just too connected to the idea of love as a whole. My dream with the sketch, the picture, the painting... completing before my eyes and then I blink, the dream proceeds, I realize the paper is blank and the image I saw before my eyes was not the correct one. Everything, everything, EVERYTHING needs to be adjusted.


My best friend's words buzz in my head, like a beehive, an unmanageable mess.
"...old
..............lasting.....
wisdom.....
growth......... you.....
....before....
............without...... this
he...... normal.....
..listen
soul..... follow....
.....worry.... meant.... choose.........
be...... doesn't..... halves... your
before..... many.......
.....................two....
.........it...... heart... time
matter.... lasts.......... dreams......
.....knew.... past.... life.... deep......
same....same....same.....aura..... eyes....whole.. loss
.....comfort.... he... you.... same...... same........... same.....
..............I know who is right for you........
..........Same person."

Just scrambled words.... pieces of my puzzle.
The Other.

Love, Love, Love...

"I am aiming to be somebody this somebody trusts, with her delicate soul I don't claim to know much, except soon as you start to make room for the parts that aren't you it gets harder to bloom in a garden of... love, love, love... love. Love, love, love, love. Only thing I ever could need, only one good thing worth trying to be and it's....
Love
Love
Love
Love
I do it for Love
Love
Love
Love

We can understand the sentiment you're saying to us, Oh, but sensible sells so could you kindly shut up and get started at keeping your part of the bargain. Oh please little darlin' you're killing me sweetly with love, love, love.... love.
Love, love, love, love."

"You can't miss something that you never had."

This week....

This week is probably going to be the busiest week of my life.
And the countdown begins...

Did I mention that I'm not going to write about him anymore? I'm trying reaaaaaaaaaalllllllly hard not to. Haha.

Letting Go

“If I could but know his heart, everything would become easy.”

“I may have lost my heart, but not my self-control. ”


“I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight years and a half ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant. You alone have brought me to Bath. For you alone, I think and plan. Have you not seen this? Can you fail to have understood my wishes? I had not waited even these ten days, could I have read your feelings, as I think you must have penetrated mine. I can hardly write. I am every instant hearing something which overpowers me. You sink your voice, but I can distinguish the tones of that voice when they would be lost on others. Too good, too excellent creature! You do us justice, indeed. You do believe that there is true attachment and constancy among men. I must go, uncertain of my fate; but I shall return hither, or follow your party, as soon as possible. A word, a look, will be enough to decide whether I enter your father's house this evening or never.”

New

I am so blessed. Everything is falling into a perfect place for me. I am going to finally crawl myself out of this hole that I have been in for so long. I am going to start new and fresh. I finally have my own beginning, and I am going to make it a beautiful one. I know that I am going to be great and I only know this because I have God on my side. Prayer is the strongest force on this planet. Knock on God's door and he will always answer.

Life is beautiful and from this point on, I plan to cherish every day.

I am letting go of all things that are uncertain. I am now embracing a future that is steady and reliable over the future that is a dream.









“I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun.”