Last

Well, this is my last post for May. It was a very productive month for me in general.

I AM SO READY FOR JUNE THOUGH, I missed summer too much.
Sorry my blogs are so short people, I lack content lately. I'm either too exhausted to write or too busy to write. I'm working on getting better about it though.

I have so many book ideas right now, I can't wait until I have more time so I can start writing more.

This last weekend was fun... Alex finally got home from Mexico. On Friday we went out to dinner at Sushi Deli... yum! :) On Saturday we went to the beach in the afternoon and spent the night together. And on Sunday he took me to see Sex and the City 2, which ended up being really bad in my opinion... I was so disappointed. Oh well, I guess you can't expect a show with 4 women age range from 43-52 to be entertaining in that aspect anymore. That movie pretty much ruined the whole series for me. But Alex actually came along and persevered through it. That's why I love him, he tolerates my ridiculous habits... like watching disgustingly girly chick flicks. Bahaha.

That's pretty much it. Good bye May, hello June!

Frustration

I'm so pissed right now. Do you not care that the reason I am working my ass off is so that we can have a better relationship? The least you could do is give me some of your precious fucking time... after you agreed to it already. It's not like I'm even around that fucking often, becauser I'm at work all the time. I hate it when people don't follow through with me. I'm so over this shit. You're cocky, arrogant, and selfish... and to be honest if it continues, I don't want you in my life.

Happy

Alex is home.
<3333333333

"Within you I lose myself... without you I find myself wanting to be lost again."

Absence

This is really getting obnoxious, but I'm going to say it again... I miss Alex like crazy. I can't wait for him to get home on Friday, I feel like I'm going insane. I need my boyfriend back.
Lol.

I don't have enough time in the day to do everything I need to do, I really want to start time managing more effectively... especially with this new job. I am determined to succeed in this job. I have a lot of goals and the people that work there really inspire me to achieve them.

I don't know what else to write about, for once.

I can't wait for my life to settle down.

Thoughts

I've been so sad the last few days. Alex is still in Mexico... he's probably staying until Friday. So I'm super bummed. Work is good, I've been so busy, it's ridiculous. I went out to dinner with my co-workers tonight. That was nice. They're all some of the best people I've met.

Here-- quick update with some of my most common thoughts. (I'm exhausted)
-Full time jobs are over-whelming.
-I REALLY want to move out.
-My family and I have been getting along better.
-I can't wait for SATC2 to come out.
-I have no time to write right now.
-I miss Alex tremendously when he is away like this.
-I think Sandra Bullock is an amazing woman.
-My feet hurt constantly lately.
-I miss my church. (Haven't been the last couple weeks)
-I need to stop complaining.
-I want to reach my goals.

Random, I know. Sorry.
Good night!

Love

I miss Alex too much right now. It's almost unbearable.

I'm sad... can't wait for him to get back.

Just in case you didn't know... this is the love of my life....

Attached

Alex is in Mexicali for the next few days visiting his family, good thing I have this new job so I can keep myself busy. I miss him already, I'm ridiculously attached to him. Today is our year and a half anniversary, if you don't count the break-ups (we don't). I just can't wait until we can move out together, it is going to make my life so much easier. I want my life to fast-forward a little.

I need to get back into writing.

Deprived... P.S.

Sleep, deprived, stressed, sad PANDA= me.
bahahaha, no but really.
Bedtime.

Deprived

I've been working so much lately, it is truly exhausting. But, I am making really good money.

Alex and I have been together a year and a half as of tomorrow. He took me on a nice date tonight. Working full time makes me sad because I never get to see him anymore. I can't wait until we have our own place, it will make everything so much easier. I truly do not have the energy to write again tonight. Maybe I'll do a better update tomorrow, I'm sleep deprived.

Exhaustion

I literally don't have the energy to type more than these two sentences. I'll put an update on what's going on with me soon.

Busy

Pretty eventful day today. After work, Alex and I went to the beach and then played tennis. It was great I miss that. I hope I get to enjoy the beaches a lot this summer. There's no point in living in San Diego if you don't take advantage of the glorious beaches here.

In other news, my back pain continues to drone on... I feel like it's taken permanent root in my body. I need more prayers.

This week is going to be very busy for me. I hope I can handle it all.

I really enjoy my new job, I can't wait to start living on my own. I love my parents and appreciate all they have done for me. But I need to launch myself out there and gain some independence.

Just realized this blog entry has no structure... just me babbling on. Sorry everyone, I'm a little tired today.



"Out of clutter, find simplicity. From discord, find harmony. In the middle of difficulty, lies opportunity." -Albert Einstein

Friends

I miss this...

Beneath the Sheets

"Where my day starts. And where my day ends. Where I let my imagination run wild. With or without a book. Where dreams are conjured - awake or otherwise. Where people are missed; where tears are shed. Where I lie and ponder the big or small things in life. But most importantly, beneath the sheets is where I find comfort and where my innermost self is most apparent. My resting place, my safe haven."

P.S.

I want to watch Gone With the Wind soon.

It is my favorite movie of all time.

Insecure

"Everyone always wants to know how you can tell when it's true love, and the answer is this: When the pain doesn't fade, and the scars don't heal, and it's too damned late."
-Jonathan Tropper (The Book of Joe)

Thank you Jonathan Tropper for being one of my favorite authors. Your writing inspires me.

I am writing tonight, and I've kind of made a vow to myself to not let that many people read it yet. I don't trust people with my book. I'm really insecure about it... and I know if I ever want to make it big I need to get over it. I just don't want people to criticize it. Writing is my passion, and I'm confident about it until other people get involved.

Wisdom

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so you can learn to let go, things go wrong so you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so that you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." -Marilyn Monroe

Committed

Alex and I are going to be making a big step together in the next few months, and I hope everything works out the way we want it to. I'm nervous, but I can't wait. We're both so excited about it. Pray for us as a couple, we need a lot of support. Even if people do not accept our relationship, I know it is what makes both of us truly happy and God accepts us. That's all that really matters.

"I cannot fix on the hour, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun."

-Pride and Prejudice

Release

I'm not going to lose him, just know that if you're going to fight, I'm going to find ten times harder. We won't leave each other, and you need to understand that... it's never going to happen. Feel free to keep trying, but it is truly a wasted energy on a lost cause (at least in your eyes). Understand that we are happy, we would never be happy if we weren't together. And we're actually being selfish and trusting ourselves with this one. So though it might make you unhappy, which were never our intentions, we're going to follow our hearts.

It's time to let go.

"I thought that I had everything.
I didn't know what life could bring,
But now I see, honestly,
You're the one thing I got right.
The only one I let inside.
Now I can breathe, cause you're here with me.
And if I let you down
I'll turn it all around.
Cause I would never let you go.
I will be, all that you want.
And gather myself together,
Cause you keep me from falling apart.
All my life, I'll be with you forever.
To get you through the day,
And make everything okay."

Patience

I cannot wait to get out of this mess. My patience is really wearing out.

Hopefully things will get better sooner rather than later. I just want to focus on important things in my life and the good things. I knew this year was going to be a hard one, but I am determined to make it a good one.

Be more supportive or go get your own life to judge. Thanks.

...it's almost summer, I need the beach.

Shifting Universe

Such good things are happening in my life right now. I just got a wonderful full-time job with a Marketing company called Polish. I'm a Marketing Rep and I am so ecstatic. It is my first professional job, so ready or not... here I come. No, but I really love the company and the employess... everyone is so friendly and motivated. And I'm gaining great experoence for my future resume.

I've also been getting a lot closer to God lately, and I feel like that is the greatest thing going for me right now. I found a church that I really love, it's called C.C.C. and I had a great time at the small groups. It's just amazing, God does wonderful things.

I do have a couple things that need prayer...

First, I have had a horrible pain in my lower left back for about two months now, and it isn't getting better... even after two hospital trips, a doctors visit, anti-biotics, and pain medication... so please pray for me with that. It's possible I might need a surgery to solve the problem, and I really hope that it will heal on it's own.

Second, I have another personal situation going on with myself and people I am very close to and love very much. It's kind of a tense situation and things have gotten a little over-whelming... naturally making anyone in this state defensive. So, I am just praying to God that it doesn't end up affecting my relationship with these people. And also that God can give everyone in the situation peace and patience.

Thank you, if you are reading this... and thank you if you do pray for it. It really means a lot.

And on another note, my relationship is getting a lot better. I need to get over my trust issues and insecurities... because we are both very clear on the fact that I love him and only want him forever and he loves me and only wants me forever. The thing that worries me is, time changes people. I know my feelings will never change, they are irrevocable. But I am afraid. I can't lose him again, it would feel like I would cease to exist.

"If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger."

-Wuthering Hearts

Books

Here are a few new books I recommend reading...

The Host- Stephanie Meyers- It is absolutely my new favorite book. I enjoyed it even more than I enjoyed the Twilight Saga. It is a truly original and beautiful book.

Everything Changes- Jonathan Tropper- New, fresh, and humorous. He is one of my new favorite writers.

The Book of Joe- Jonathan Tropper- Again, new and fresh. Very profound. This book teaches good life lessons.

The Last Song- Nicholas Sparks- I know I already recommended it... but it is such a great read. Probably best to read on a relaxing day at the beach. Makes you realize how special the little things really are and how quickly you grow up, fall in love, and also how you can lose everything in a heartbeat.

Comment back on your opinions of the books. :]

Sick

I have been extremely moody lately. I think it is because I have been sick lately... not cold type sick... I have this pain in my lower back. I really wish it would go away already. Anyways, not much new. I have been writing a lot more. And playing piano, I even started putting music to some of the songs I have written... I'm ver happy about it and proud of myself. I am trying very hard right now to get a good job, it's my main goal in life at this moment.

In other news, Alex made the choir at USD! I am so proud of him. I can't see his performances though, which really makes me sad. I'll deal with it though, every once in a while he serenades me and that is more special than watching him perform with others. It's like I get my own little show. He is one of the most talented musicians I've met. I am lucky to have him as my best friend and boyfriend.<3