To you

Thanks for being my rock.
I want forever & I only want it with you.<3

New

I'm ready for everything to start. Thank you God for everything, I truly feel blessed right now.

Security is nice. <3 I don't feel like I'm going crazy anymore.

July

Over it.

Bored

I miss Rochelle, she's in Panama for two weeks and I need my best friend back. Or maybe I just need an all out girls night. I want to go dancing or do some girly shit. Lol. I don't really know, but the people I am around the most lately are bugging me. I need a new scene. I miss life after I graduated high school, I was so care free... I really didn't give a shit about anything. I just want to have fun again, I feel like my life is way too serious.

Other news & rants:
-Alex and I have been together one year and ten months today. ;) I know, only lame people keep track of the crap... I guess that makes me lame. :)
-I can't wait to go to my doctor and officially figure out what's wrong with me... I'm so over this unhealthy shit.
-I want to do more bonfires this summer!
-I'm ready to move out with Jess and Alex.
-Summer is my favorite season. I don't care what anyone else says. It's full of happiness.
-And I apologize for all of the cussing in this blog entry... must just be in the mood today! ;)

You

are my heart and my reason for living.

Old

Can't wait for Titanic to come out in 3-d. I'm stoked. <3
Had a great day with Alex again, nothing that new.
I miss a few people that used to be in my life. I don't talk to them anymore, but I wish I knew how they were doing. I never believed my mom when she said people grow apart as they get older. I guess I'm old.

Wish you were here. <3

Sanity

I'm going to lose it soon if I don't get my life together. I need everything to work out for me. I am so discouraged about everything. I just need everything to pull together for me. I have put myself in a really bad mess and I am praying that it all works out in the end.

Love

Alex makes me happier than anything or anyone. Today was a great day for us. It was simple and we relaxed but it reminded me again of how much I completely adore him.<3

Look at how adorable he is with his new hair cut! :)

Hello

"Playground school bell rings again.
Rain clouds come to play again.
Has no one told you she's not breathing?
Hello, I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to... hello.

If I smile and don't believe,
soon I know I'll wake from this dream
Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken.
Hello, I am the lie living for you so you can hide.
Don't cry.

Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping.
Hello, I'm still here
All that's left of yesterday."

Broken

We're broken and I don't know how to fix us.
We're lost and I don't know which direction to take us.

I need to change, you need to change... we should be working with each other, not against each other. I want things to work, no, I need things to work. You mean the world to me. I'm focused on mending things and fixing them but there is only so much that one person can do. Our relationship needs to be an effort from both of us. I deserve better than this and you deserve respect... there needs to be a balance.

Friends

So I'm annoyed because I am really sunburned.
Here's a pic though! :)
Some of the old crew... we had an awesome bon fire on Saturday night.
IN order: Alex, me, Mike, Andrew, Rochelle, and Jessica.
All of us were in the original "crew". Mike introduced Alex and I. Jessica and her boyfriend Charlie (not pictured) will be Mine and Alex's roommates in November. Rochelle and Andrew... well nobody ever knows what's going on with them, LOL! And I missed them all a lot (besides Alex... because I spend every minute that I have with him... haha) Just a quick update.
Come quicker November!<3

Summer

Summer finally feels like it started. The sun made an appearance this weekend, it was awesome. We had a bon fire and a lot of the old crew came. We all had a blast together. And Spain won the World Cup final, Alex and I are super happy. It was a wonderful weekend.

Hey

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November

I am taking control.
I have a goal and it is GOING to happen!

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...

TEN things you wish you could say to ten different people right now:

1 . You are killing yourself, and there's nothing I can do to stop you. You have to make the decision to stop... not for me anymore, but for her.
2 . I just want you to be proud of me.
3 . I'll never accept your decision, but I miss you terribly.
4 . You made me the person I am today, thank you for everything. I hope that someday I will be the person you were and have all of the knowledge and wisdom you had.
5 . You are my strength and my weakness. My love for you is permanent and unconditional. You're the other half of me... you have the missing pieces.
6 . I wish we weren't growing apart.. you mean the world to me. You are my family.
7 . Thank you for being so much more than a best friend. Thank you for being my support, when I was UN-human. Thanks for being honest and putting me in my place. I'll never let you out of my life.
8 . I am so proud of you. But I miss you more than anything!
9 . I'm so sorry for everything I've put you through. You deserve better and I am going to try much harder.
10 . As much as you hate me, I pity you. And someday you will realize you were wrong, and at that time I will be the bigger person and accept your apologies. Because what we have, will never change.

NINE things about yourself :

1 . I am too stubborn, I need to stop pushing people and accept their answers.
2 . I have a high tolerance for physical pain, but an extremely low tolerance for emotional.
3 . I have NO tolerance for people that do drugs. You're not welcome in my life if you do.
4 . Writing is my escape.
5 . I'm very afraid of moths and bridges.
6 . Love is the most important thing to me. Every type of love.
7 . There's not enough time for me to do all of the things I need to do.
8 . I am confident with the type of person I am, but self-conscious about my appearance.
9 . I don't sing well but I enjoy singing.

EIGHT ways to win your heart , in no particular order :

1 . Sing to me.
2 . Have a good sense of humor.
3 . The little things matter the most, so show them.
4 . Be willing to commit.
5 . Have direction.
6 . Show me you care.
7 . Prove that you're worth my time.
8 . Be Alex.

SEVEN things that cross your mind a lot, in no particular order :

1 . Bills.
2 . How much time do I have?
3 . Moving out.
4 . Alex.
5 . Work and success.
6 . Money.
7 . The future.

SIX things you do before you fall asleep :

1 . Wash my face.
2 . Brush my teeth.
3 . Internet.
4 . Write a blog or write parts of my book.
5 . Watch TV.
6 . Talk to Alex.

FIVE people who mean a lot to you :

1 . Alex.
2 . Rochelle.
3 . Jazmine & Sidd.
4 . Dad & Mom & Linda.
5 . Alexandria & Skye & Laura. (Sisters)
--Sorry, that's more like 10... :)

FOUR things you’re wearing right now :

1 . Pajama bottoms.
2 . Big t-shirt.
3 . Nail Polish.
4 . Slippers.

THREE songs that you listen to often :

1 . "My Immortal" by Evanescence.
2 . "She Says" by Howie Day.
3 . "Between the Lines" by Sara Bareilles.

TWO things you want to do before you die :

1 . Be successful.
2 . Get married and have children.

ONE confession :

1 . I push people away, even when I need them.

TRUTHS as of this moment in your life :::

1 . Truthfully … I need to be more respectful and responsible.
2 . Truthfully … Something is wrong with my health and it bothers me more and more when doctors can't find the answer.
3 . Truthfully … My job is a great opportunity.
4 . Truthfully … My boyfriend and I fight like every other couple. But we have a bond that I know is original and real. And we'll most likely never experience it with anyone else.
5 . Truthfully … I need to find a good balance in my life.
6 . Truthfully … I am learning from my mistakes.
7 . Truthfully … I am much more mature than others my age.
8 . Truthfully … If you lose my trust, it will take a long time to regain it.

Hmph

Love is unconditional.

Pain

I don't want to be in pain anymore. I want to feel normal again. I fainted today for a few minutes... for no reason at all. This is getting ridiculous, my mom and Alex called 911 because I wasn't waking up. The pain in my back is getting worse everyday... and doctors can't figure out what's wrong with me, or they're not talking the time to figure it out. It's so frustrating. It's holding me back from work and it's interfering with my personal life.

And... Alex helps me more than he knows. I love him so much.