Logic

Things are better. Not completely, but I'm focused on regaining my life back. I want independence. When I emerge from this, I am going to be a new person, full of confidence, radiance and commitment. And I can't wait until the day where I say "Wow, I am really in the place that I want to be in right now."

My past relationships have failed for the same reason, different circumstances, but all in all... the same reason. I blame myself more than I blame them, for letting things happen to me. I am not perfect though and I made a lot of mistakes as well, some of them that I will hold in me until my dying day. Some secrets should never be let go of... ever. I am very aware of what to avoid in my next relationship though.

I want to wake up. And blame all this madness on a much too over-exaggerated dream. Everything. Not that it wouldn't hurt to know that I never lived the best two years of my life, but to put to rest the feeling of not being wanted. If I could go back and change things... oh my, there would be so many to change. But first and foremost, I would change falling in love with him. I just handed my heart away, I handed everything away for that matter. Every little piece of me was directly given to him, with no hope of seeing it ever again. I am mending. I am not going to ever get thoses pieces back, they are his to keep. But I will forge new, better pieces, and I think that is my only option.