Strength

I've been content the last few days... but I am putting that off as having good focus, keeping myself busy, and being around people. I still can't eat and now it's starting to worry me. I think I might go away this weekend, I need it... but that would mean time off and I don't think I can afford that right now. I'm doing much better, and I'm proud of myself. Starting to hit a healthy spot feels right but at the same time wrong. I think it's more of me just accepting what I haven't wanted to accept. Hearing what I never wanted to hear. I can feel us drifting away, and it's so odd because I am okay with it. I think I might want it to happen. At least I could put my mind in an even healthier place if it did happen. The bond we share is just too startlingly real to just drop it, impossible I might even say. But I am happy again, in some ways. I have, in a way... maybe even a sick delusional way, found an antidote to the hole searing in the core of my body. It's easing the pain, showing me that it can disappear if I let it. Now the only question is, am I ready to forget?