Hope and Resolution

I am trying not to let the hole consume me. It's troublesome, I want to give up the fight, but I am not that girl... I will not pity myself because of the troubles I have been handed. There is something and someone better out there for me, and I know in my heart that I deserve the best. You have to hurt someone and be hurt before you can truly understand love. Knocked both of those down... I regret what I did to the first person I loved (I was not in love with him, but I cared very deeply about him). He cared so immensely about me and I took advantage of him because I was young and naive. I am not sad that it did not work with him, because I know that we are both better people now because we are away from each other. But no person, in this world ever deserves the type of pain that I feel right now, and that I now know he felt over me. I would apologize sincerely to my dying day to him for afflicting that on him. It truly is hell. And now I am getting a big fistful of Karma, and it's gonna take a whole lot of labor to get through this. But I am working forward, and in the end will be so much better than this mess of things. I have to look forward and not back. There is no way to accept someone back into your life after time, and now I have realized that. "The past is a forever part of my present and future." And I will hold on to this feeling for the rest of my life but I refuse to let it slow me down.... EVER. You will not be the fall of me.