Broken

Okay people, here's the deal...
I am broken in so many ways. In more ways than I ever care to explain. I am at a point in my life where I need to change who I am or get used to what I have become. I honestly can't even believe I am writing this right now. I think I'm just putting myself out there for once.... people need to know who the real me is.

I have been keeping my emotions and feelings inside for a long time. It's caused a lot of damage. I feel as if I've lost myself.

So here is what you need to know if you are close to me. I love you and care about you more than you know and more than you could ever imagine. I have boundary problems.... I don't want anybody close to me. But just because I don't let you in does not mean I don't care about you. I have built this goddamn wall around myself and nobody can get through it. I know, I have problems.

I am broken and that is it... I don't know how else to describe it. I am mean to everyone and I hurt people that I love consistently. I am selfish and stubborn. But the most important thing right now to know is that I am going to change. It may take a lot of time but it will happen. I am determined.

I am going to get myself together and figure out this mess of my life.
I used to be so strong... I'll be there again.
It's going to take time.