Insomnia

AHHHH! Can't sleeep! O_O

Happiness

Life is great right now, there is only one thing that could make it better.

If I Fell

"If I fell in love with you, would you promise to be true? And help me understand... 'cause I've been in love before... and I thought that love was more than just holding hands."

Pray

"The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." Peter 4:7

Stupid

I feel like an idiot.
Broke my finger today... at work. Embarrassing.
My middle finger... right next to my left ring finger that was broken years ago and still remains crooked. My hands are going to look terrible.

I have this ugly bruise under my middle finger.... and right now (while I'm typing this) I realized that it's going to be hard to type tomorrow with my obnoxious finger brace.

Sigh... this is my life I guess.
Lmao.

Better

Much better.

Fair

The San Diego County Fair is here...
It is almost my favorite thing in the world! Going this weekend.
:)

Beautiful

"Jane, be still; don't struggle so like a wild, frantic bird, that is rending its own plumage in its desperation."

"I am no bird; and no net ensnares me; I am a free human being, with an independent will; which I now exert to leave you."

-Charlotte Bronte

Last Bronte quote for a while... putting the depression back on the shelves... where it belongs.

Wise Words

"You are, like, way too sad... Put Bronte down for a while and, instead, try some Nicholas Sparks. At the end, even though you're crying, you won't feel so resigned to fate, but, rather, able to pull up your bootstraps and surge into the future - feeling able to handle whatever is waiting for you..."

Thank you Elizabeth!

My Happiness

Alex, Jazmine, and Sidd give me all of my happiness.

They're all I need to keep going.

...and of course, my dreams... my crazy, happy, wonderful dreams.

Decisions

I feel like I have three choices I could make with my life right now.

Two are completely available and open to me.

And, of course, one of them I would have to put myself out there with.

Obviously I want what I can't have or something that is at least harder to get.

If only people knew what I really wanted... if only he knew.

Padres Game

Went to the Padres game with my co-workers tonight. Brought Jazmine as my guest, my work gave everybody two tickets. I had a great time. I hadn't been downtown in so long. I really need to start getting out more. Jazmine was such a great friend tonight... I'm so lucky to have her as a best friend. The Padres lost the game, but it was still nice to be around co-workers outside of work. :)

Instrument of Evil

"Gentle reader, may you never feel what I then felt! May your eyes never shed such stormy, scalding, heart-wrung tears as poured from mine. May you never appeal to Heaven in prayers so hopeless and so agised as in that hour left my lips: for never may you, like me, dread to be the instrument of evil to what you wholly love."
-Charlotte Bronte

Hurt

Foolish.
Pain.
Stupidity.
Love.
Anger.

I'm learning.
I want to let go.

Quiet

Lack of entries lately.

I'll write soon.

Falling Slowly

"I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You'll make it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice

You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing it loud."

I Am

"I am: yet what I am none cares or knows,
My friends forsake me like a memory lost;
I am the self-consumer of my woes,
They rise and vanish in oblivious host,
Like shades in love and death's oblivion lost;
And yet I am! and live with shadows tost

Into the nothingness of scorn and noise,
Into the living sea of waking dreams,
Where there is neither sense of life nor joys,
But the vast shipwreck of my life's esteems;
And e'en the dearest--that I loved the best--
Are strange--nay, rather stranger than the rest.

I long for scenes where man has never trod;
A place where woman never smil'd or wept;
There to abide with my creator, God,
And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept:
Untroubling and untroubled where I lie;
The grass below--above the vaulted sky."

-John Clare

Parks and Ponds

"Parks and ponds are good by day;
I do not delight
In black acres of the night,
Nor my unseasoned step disturbs
The sleeps of trees or dreams of herbs."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Excited

Ahhhh... so many things are happening!
:D

Remember Me

"Songs and smells will bring you back to a moment in time more than anything else. It's amazing how much can be conjured with a few notes of a song or a solitary whiff of a room. A song you didn't even pay attention to at the time, a place that you didn't even know had a particular smell."
-Emily Giffin

Nightmare

It started with a dream.... well to be honest, my dream was actually a nightmare. My nightmare became an idea. My idea has become an obsession. My obsession will become a book.

Thanks

"First, stop referring to yourself as an “aspiring writer.” You might aspire to get paid for what you do, but you are a writer if you write… As a corollary, stop worrying that you won’t be good enough, or comparing yourself to others. Don’t let the idea of a novel overwhelm or intimidate you so much that you are too afraid to begin. It’s like training for a marathon. Nobody gets out there and runs twenty-six miles on their first effort. It takes daily training and discipline and desire. There’s no real magic to writing a novel or one method that works for all—it’s just a question of attacking the project sentence by paragraph by page by chapter... Write what you feel and be fiercely honest. If you don’t feel a deep connection to your characters and writing, then chances are nobody else will."

-Emily Giffin

Numb

Maybe people should know how much I don't care anymore.

Numb. Everything is always numb.

Mother

I wish I could take joy in Mother's Day. I wish that I felt grateful to have an amazing mother. But I don't and I never will. And sometimes, especially days like Mother's Day... it's hard. I wish I could make her understand how much she hurts me every minute of every day. But more than anything, I wish that I could help her. I need her so much.

Speak

"I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope."

Words

"That was the thing about words, they were clear and specific--chair, eye, stone-- but when you talked about feelings, words were too stiff, they were this and not that, they couldn't include all the meanings. In defining, they always left something out."

Scarlett

Complexion of scarlett,
Still air.
Lingering thoughts,
Admit it.
Despair,
Radiation.
Simple and safe,
Comfort with desperation.
Longing thoughts,
Admit it.
Raw glances,
See you.
Loud ears,
Hear you.
Black hole named Chance,
Abyss... nothing.
Eyes, reveries, words, intensity.
Inevitable, change, everything.
Blush- burning.
Scarlett.

5/5/11

Incandescence

Ice will fever,
Long winters gone.
Memories,
Canvases open.
Chills are luxuries,
Crystal thread and fine points.
Spinning,
Ring a round.
White shades,
Round summers.
Incandescence might last.

5/3/11

Tattoo

"Remember it all, every insult, every tear. Tattoo it on the inside of your mind. In life, knowledge of poisons is essential. I've told you, nobody becomes an artist unless they have to."
-Janet Fitch

I remember because I have to remember, but maybe someday I will remember because I choose to remember.

Big Day

Alex is graduating from USD in three weeks!

I'm so proud of him. He's worked so hard these last two years at USD. He's graduating with a Bachelors in Business Administration (with a 3.6 GPA). Yeah, I'm bragging.

He only deserves the best things in life. I wish I could put into words how amazing he is.
I know that someday he will realize what a kind spirit he has and how much his smile and laughter affect the people around him.

Summer

I want a summer storm. They're perfect.

Scream

Most of the time, I just want to scream.

May

May reminds me of my grandmother... I miss her terribly. I hope it's a good month.

Royal Wedding

Charles & Diana. 1981


William & Kate. 2011

Rosie Hardy

New favorite photographer.

Better

We're realizing that we can be better people. Now we have to figure out if we can be better people with or without each other.

Inspiration

I want us to work.

Future

Can't wait to move forward.

46 Days...

Everything changes in 46 days...

Thank You

"The time will come when, with elation, you will greet yourself arriving at your own door, in your own mirror, and each will smile at the others welcome, and say, sit here. Eat. You will love again the stranger who was your self. Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart to itself, to the stranger who has loved you all your life, whom you ignored for another, who knows you by heart. Take down the love letters from the bookshelf, the photographs, the desperate notes, peel your own image from the mirror. Sit. Feast on your life."

Quote 4

"We all want things to stay the same. Settle for living in misery because we're afraid of change, of things crumbling to ruins. We must always be prepared for endless waves of transformation."

From "Eat, Pray, Love".

Quote 3

"Feels like a precious wound, like a heartbreak you won't let go of because it hurts too good."

From "Eat, Pray, Love".

Quote 2

"Would you please come up here? If we just know that we have a screwed up relationship, and we stick it out anyway... we accept that we fight a lot, hardly have sex anymore.... but we don't wanna live without each other. That way we can spend our lives together. Miserable, but happy not to be apart."

From "Eat, Pray, Love".

New York

I want to live in New York. Right now.

Insidious

Insidious is terrifying.

Astral projection seems terrifying. >:O

Don't Let Me Fall

"Underneath the moon, underneath the stars
Here's a little heart for you
Up above the world, up above it all
Here's a hand to hold on to

But if I should break, if I should fall away
What am I to do?
I need someone to take a little of the weight
Or I'll fall through

You're just the one that I've been waiting for
I'll give you all that I have to give and more
But don't let me fall

Take a little time, walk a little line
Get the balance right
Give a little love, gimme just enough
So that I can hang on tight."

AHHH!

I LOVE BLOGGING. :D

Gym tonight.... so energetic! SWEET!

Bamboo

Chrysanthemum

Cherry Blossom

Painting

I painted today... here comes the pictures. :)

Sick

e e
O

exhausted & sick.
I want to die right now.
Can't sleep.

Rain

Rain is romantic....

Uncharted

Perfection.
I love her.

Sweet

"Writing on my blog makes me feel better."
"Reading your blog makes me feel better."

Smiles.

Flashback

So old. Wow!
Best summer ever.

Walks

Glasses of wine & a nice walk keep me happy.
.............

It's the little things.

Love & Other Drugs

"I am full of shit. I am knowingly full of shit. I have never cared about anybody or anything in my entire life, and people have accepted that... And then you... you didn't think of me that way. I have never known anyone who actually believed that I was enough until I met you, and then you made me believe too. So unfortunately, I need you and you need me."

Indifference

"The opposite of love is indifference."

Thanks, I'll try.

Please

I hope that I'm making the right decision.

Today

I don't even know how to explain today. To be honest, it was just as ordinary as any other day. I woke up at the same time, drove to work (actually got stuck in traffic, for once), got to work on time, went through the same rituals I go through everyday. But I was not there to go through the motions during the work day... my emotions were everywhere and my thoughts were on one person. I don't think anybody noticed, I talked on the phone to the customers the same as I always do... I didn't slack off or make any mistakes (but I felt robotic the whole day) My mind was not on work... it was so many places today, good and bad... refreshing and heart-breaking. Sometimes, I don't know what to do... I feel like crying or screaming but I can't. I just feel numb to it all. I know what I want, I want it so badly it hurts. I will never have it.

Snow

I need someone to go to Big Bear with me this weekend. :(
Won four tickets to go snow-boarding/skiing. Don't have a way up there.

Cold

I keep secrets to myself.
I'm full of hidden thoughts, desires, and wonders.
My dreams, most importantly, will never escape my mind.

Sometimes, at night, I wonder why I live the way I do. Why do I not tell people the things that I want the most? Why am I so secretive? Why am I so cold? Why am I so bitter?
The answer will NOT make sense to most people: I want to live my life with some poetic edge to it. I don't even know how to explain what that means to anyone. I just know that I have certain concepts that I find profoundly beautiful and I don't want them ever taken away. I also think that I enjoy living my life with a certain amount of drama. Most of the time, I don't want to know what is going to happen next. I need to live in my mind, away from everyone else. I want my secrets.

But then again, there is nothing I want more than for you to discover everything about me.... in your own good time.

Warm

I wish you I was in Hawaii right now.
Mmmmm.

Day Ten- Someone You Don't Talk to as Much as You'd Like

My grandmother. She's gone.
I miss her more than anything... she's the one person I miss talking to everyday.

Wishes

I wish I could tell you everything I want to say.
I wish I could explain my dreams.

Fast

Life is going by fast, this week has gone by so quickly.
I love my job, I honestly do. The company is such a great company to work for... and the people are amazing. I can happily say that I love going to work in the morning and by the end of the day I don't hate my life.

Turning 21 in eight months!!!!!!! Woohoo!
Sorry, very random blog... I'm just super tired and maybe a little out of it.

Good night loves!

Faithful Place

Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!
Faithful Place came in the mail today!!!!!!!!!
Can't wait to read it.

Casi Cielo

I love coffee way too much! It is the best invention of all time. Best friend working at Starbucks= awesome! :)
Thanks Rochelle!

Day Nine- Someone You Wish You Could Meet

I wish I could meet Tana French, J.K. Rowling, or Jonathan Tropper. They are my favorite writers, they are my inspiration. I wish I could learn and grasp how they write. It's so beautiful, I'm addicted to their words, to the feelings, to the characters. I want more than anything to write how they write... FLAWLESSLY.

The Likeness

"Now that's a concept that's always fascinated me: the real world. Only a very specific subset of people use the term, have you noticed? To me, it seems self-evident that everyone lives in the real world- we all breathe real oxygen, eat real food, the earth under our feet feels equally solid to all of us. But clearly these people have a far more tightly circumscribed definition of reality, one that I find deeply mysterious, and an almost pathologically intense need to bring others into line with that definition."

Blank

That scared me, I can't lose you.

Lazy

I have a really awesome quote from the book I'm reading, but I'm too tired to type it up.

e_e

Goal

I wanna be Natalie Portman skinny by this time next year. But I at least wanna have a good beach body by summer. Doing a shake diet... today was really hard.. but cigarettes helped.

"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels."
I wouldn't know... we'll see.

Ghosts

"The murdered do haunt their murderers, I believe. I know that ghosts have wandered on earth. Be with me always—take any form—drive me mad! only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you! Oh, God! it is unutterable! I cannot live without my life! I cannot live without my soul!"

Dreams

"I have dreamed in my life, dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas; they have gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the color of my mind."

You are my dreams. Every night, you captivate my mind.

Shiver

"So I look in your direction
But you pay me no attention, do you?
I know you don't listen to me
'Cause you say you see straight through me, don't you?

But on and on
From the moment I wake, to the moment I sleep
I'll be there by your side; just you try and stop me
I'll be waitin' in line, just to see if you care

Oh…
Did you want me to change?
But I'd change for good
And I want you to know that you'll always get your way
I wanted to say…

Don't you shiver
Shiver
Sing it loud and clear
I'll always be waiting for you

So you know how much I need you
But you never even see me, do you?
And is this my final chance of getting you?

And on and on
From the moment I wake, to the moment I sleep
I'll be there by your side; just you try and stop me
I'll be waiting in line, just to see if you care, if you care."

Classic Camber

Bye

January...
:O

In the Woods

In the Woods, by Tana French is the most fantastic book I have EVER read. She is phenomenal.
I am about to start her second book, The Likeness. Jeez... she is my idol.

Reasons I love her writing:
1. She is Irish.
2. You instantly feel attached to her characters.
3. Her stories take place in Ireland.
4. Her ideas are fresh.
5. Her style is choppy.
6. She uses European lingo. Ex: "Bollocks, fags (cigarettes), bloody, bleeding, shite (my Irish grandparents say this all the time), torch (flashlight)..." I could go on and on about the slang used there.
7.The book's emotions bled into me the whole way through.

Please read it if you haven't already.

Vegas

"Gonna sell my car and go to Vegas
'Cause somebody told me
That's where dreams would be
Gonna sell my car and go to Vegas
Finally see my name upon the Palace marquis

Gonna quit my job and move to New York
'Cause somebody told me that's where
Dreamers should go
Gonna quit my job and move to New York
And tattoo my body with every Broadway show.

Listen up now honey, you're gonna be sorry
Can't get out from under a sky that is falling
And you say
No fame no money I'm nobody
The way I'm running has sure got me down
On my knees.
But next stop, Vegas please.
Gotta get to Vegas
Can you take me to Vegas?

Gonna sell my house and cross the border
'Cause somebody told me dreams live in Mexico
Gonna sell my house I got to lose ten pounds
And cross the border
And make sweet love upon the white sandy shore.

Listen up now honey, you're gonna be sorry
Can't get out from under a sky that is falling
And you say
No fame no money I'm nobody
The way I'm running has sure got me down
On my knees.
But next stop, Vegas please.

It's always just around the corner or you're
On your way to somewhere
That is bigger or better...
If you could only get there
It's never your fault you can't start your
Own winning streak
But I'd hate to lose you to the fortune you seek

I'm gonna lose my mind and sail the ocean.
'Cause somebody told me there were
Cherry blue skies
I'm gonna fix my mind with a final destination
And have a deep sleep upon a sweet dream
I'll never realize...no

Listen up now honey, you're gonna be sorry
Can't get out from under a sky that is falling
And you say
No fame no money I'm nobody
The way I'm running has sure got me down
On my knees.
Next stop, Vegas please.
Can you take me to Vegas? "

Day Eight- A Stranger

Today I saw a homeless man holding a sign that said "Why do I deserve this?" followed by a cross... on the bottom it said "God won't give anyone more than they can handle."
When I tried to give him money, he refused and said that he was just doing the Lords work.
He then asked me if I would pray with him. I did.
I prayed for this stranger, that he would be able to call somewhere home someday. I prayed for his well-being and his health. After we finished praying, he said his work was done for the day. He thanked me and walked away without a glance back.
I'll never forget this stranger.
He taught me that you can't stereotype everyone and also that some people, who may be less fortunate in many ways, have a lot to give and a lot more hope than most of us.

Outlander

"People disappear all the time. Ask any policeman. Better yet, ask a journalist. Disappearances are bread-and-butter to journalists.
Young girls run away from home. Young children stray away from their parents and are never seen again. Housewives reach the end of their tether and take the grocery money and a taxi to the station. International financiers change their names and vanish into the smoke of imported cigars.
Many of the lost will be found, eventually, dead or alive. Disappearances, after all, have explanations.
Usually."

Truth

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her."

Quote

"I use to worry a lot about who I would be when I grew up. How much money I would make or if someday I would become some big deal. Sometimes the thing you most want doesn't happen. Sometimes the thing you never expect often does. You meet thousands of people and none of them really touch you. Then you meet one person and your life is changed forever."

From "Love and Other Drugs"

LOUD

My THOUGHTS are so loud these days...
Shhhh!

The Host

"It's not the face, but the expressions on it. It's not the voice, but what you say. It's not how you look like in that body, but the things you do with it. You are beautiful."

I love you.

99 Things...

ABOUT ME
1. first name: Camber
2. middle name: Elise
3. last name: Scanlon
4. zodiac sign: Scorpio
5. male or female: Female
6. age: 20
7. height: 5'8
8. lucky number: 3
9. eye color: Green/blue
10. hair color: Brown with a lot of blonde highlights.
11. long or short: Long.
12. marital status: Not married!
13. are you a health freak: No, I wish I was.
14. height: Lol... 5'8.
15. do you have a crush on someone: Yes.
16. do you like yourself: Yes.
17. piercings: Ears.
18. tattoos: A small 4 leaf clover on my shoulder.
19. righty or lefty: Right.
20. fav color: Green.
21. least fav color: Orange.

FIRSTS
22. first kiss: Haha, I don't even know.
23. first piercing: Ears.
24. first best friend: Caitlin.
25. first award: I don't know.
26. first sport: Softball... I guess. I was a dancer before that though.
27. first pet: Misha, my cat.
28. first vacation: San Francisco.
29. first car: Nissan Stanza... I hated it.
30. first crush: Haha, I don't know.

CURRENTLY
31. what time is it: 7:25pm
32. where are you: In my room.
33. wish: Won't tell. :)
34. about to: Read.
35. listening to: Nothing.
36. waiting for: Something eventful.
37. wearing: Pajamas.
38. annoyed about: My foots asleep. >:(
39. eating: Nothing.
40. drinking: Water.
FUTURE
41. want kids?: Someday.
42. want to get married?: Someday.
43. careers in mind?: I want to be a writer.
44. dream car?: How about just a car...

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX
45. lips or eyes?: Lips.
46. hugs or kisses: Kisses.
47. shorter or taller: Taller.
48. tan skinned or light: I like both.
49. romantic or spontaneous: Both, more spontaneous.
50. dark or light hair: DARK.
51. built, fat, muscular, skinny, or normal: Normal. Shoulder and back muscles are the sexiest.
52. hook up or relationship: Relationship.
53. similar to you or different: Both can work. I usually like dating somebody different than me though.
54. trouble maker or hesitant: Hesitant.

HAVE YOU EVER
55. kissed a stranger: No.
56. drank bubbles: No.
57. ate a crayon: No.
58. lost glasses/contacts: Yes.
59. climbed up a tree: Yes.
60. broken someone's heart: Yes.
61. been arrested: No.
62. turned someone down: Yes.
63. cried when someone died: Yes.
64. liked a friend as more than a friend: Yes.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN
65. yourself: Yes.
66. miracles: Yes.
67. ghosts: No, not really.
68. love at first sight: No.
69. santa clause: :)
70. heaven and hell: Yes.
71. kissing on the first date: Sometimes.
72. God: Yes.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY
73. Is there one person you want to be with right now? Yes.
74. Are you happy? Yes.
75. Do you kiss on the first date? It depends.
76. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? No.
77. Last time you flossed? This morning
80. Flirt with your friends boyfriend or girlfriend? NEVER.
81. Cheat on a partner? No.
82. Whats under your bed? Boxes.
83. Last time you cleaned your toilet? My stepmom does that.
84. Ever sprout hairs on your chin? No.
85. Does the carpet match the curtains? LMAO... this survey is cracking me up.
86. Last kiss? I don't know.
87. Last booty call? No booty calls for me, thanks.
88. 7th text received? "I'm notorious for dating guys who are celebrity look alikes. Lol."
89. 4th missed call? Maaike.
90. Last comment received? On facebook? "Lol, of course."
91. Sleep with a stuffed animal? Yep. Haha.
92. Last time you cried? A couple weeks ago.
93. Pee in pools? Never.
94. Ever stolen something? Tic tacs when I was 7... mom caught me... never did it again. Lmao.
95. Ever drink milk from the carton? No. Ew. :(
96. Mad at anyone? No.
97. Ever rock a mullet? No.
98. Last tuxedo worn? I'm a girl. ;)
99. Last video game played: Some stupid game on my phone.

Day Seven- My Ex-Boyfriend

I forgot about my blog challenge.

This ones going to be weird.

Well I guess the most significant ex-boyfriend was my high school boyfriend. I'm not going to post his name. Most of the people that read this blog know who I dated in high school. I dated him for four years... from the first week of my freshman year to the week after I graduated. We were never on the same page about our relationship and we went through a lot together. It was nothing compared to what Alex and I have been through though. He was a good boyfriend... he loved me too much. I hurt him a lot in our relationship, I guess I just wasn't happy with him. I cared about him and loved him but I was never in love with him... or maybe I was and lost it.
Time changes people. I saw him about a month ago, I looked at him and almost didn't recognize him. I think he is truly happy though and that is what I want for him. Everyone deserves the right person.

Between the Lines

"These opposite sides on which we fall, the loving you laters if at all. No right minds could wrong, be this many times"

Madness

I feel like I can't breathe, I can't think. I'm sure you've noticed by now. I feel like I'm screaming at the world...or at least screaming to you. I know it's only my mind yelling the same thing over again. When you're near, everything stops... but my heart leaps.

I feel attached and detached at the same time.
Save me.


"Sometimes your nearness takes my breath away and all the things I want to say can find no voice. Then, in silence, I can only hope my eyes will speak my heart."

Hooked

Your name rings through my mind all day. I can't help it anymore.

My Blogging Style

What is your blogging personality?

Your Blogging Type is Artistic and Passionate!

You see your blog as the ultimate personal expression - and work hard to make it great.
One moment you may be working on a new dramatic design for your blog...
And the next, you're passionately writing about your pet causes.
Your blog is very important - and you're careful about who you share it with.

What kind of Blogger are you?

You Are a Life Blogger!

Your blog is the story of your life - a living diary.
If it happens, you blog it. And you make it as entertaining as possible.
You may be guilty of over-sharing a bit on your blog, but you can't help it.
Your life is truly an open book. Or in this case, an open blog!

What type of writer should you be?

You Should Be A Poet!

You craft words well, in creative and unexpected ways.
And you have a great talent for evoking beautiful imagery...
Or describing the most intense heartbreak ever.
You're already naturally a poet, even if you've never written a poem.

Weak?

People say: "Pain is weakness leaving the body."
What if I don't have anymore weakness to give, does that make me strong? I don't feel strong. I feel weak, but I feel like I've gone through enough pain to know that I can't endure anymore. I don't have anymore to give. Does that mean I'm numb to it?
I don't like knowing that I might be emotionless. I don't like knowing that I may never be loved the way that I want to be loved. I need to face my problems, I just don't know how. I feel ridiculously naive. When you are completely in love and devoted to somebody how can you even begin to fathom that you might not be right together? Maybe I'm not strong at all, maybe I'm a coward. I could handle that. Too afraid to let go, who isn't? I have the one person that I know I'll never be able to live without, he's here... still here. STILL HERE after even the most horrible circumstances that we have faced. I just know that I want change.

Shhh..

"Nothing in the world is permanent, and we're foolish when we ask anything to last, but surely we're still more foolish not to take delight in it while we have it. If change is of the essence of existence one would have thought it only sensible to make it the premise of our philosophy."

Strength

All I post are quotes, I wish I wasn't so tired everyday... I would probably write more.


I have a secret.
I'm tired of lying to myself.
I want to run away from all of my problems.
I wish I could bury myself.

Leave me!

"Do not judge men by mere appearances; for the light laughter that bubbles on the lip often mantles over the depths of sadness, and the serious look may be the sober veil that covers a divine peace and joy."

Dear,

Don't fall in love with me, I'm a mess.

Writer

"I write entirely to find out what I'm thinking, what I'm looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear."

Lost Light

"There is no end of things in the heart. Somebody once told me that. She said it came from a poem she believed in. She understood it to mean that if you took something to heart, really brought it inside those red velvet folds, then it would always be there for you. No matter what happened, it would be there waiting. She said this could mean a person, a place, a dream. A mission. Anything sacred. She told me that it is all connected in those secret folds. Always. It is all part of the same and will always be there, carrying the same beat as your heart. I am fifty-two years old and I believe it. At night when I try to sleep but can't, that is when I know it. It is when all the pathways seem to connect and I see the people I have loved and hated and helped and hurt. I see the hands that reach for me. I hear the beat and see and understand what I must do. I know my mission and I know there is no turning away or turning back. And it is in those moments that I know there is no end of things in the heart."