Jar of Hearts

"And who do you think you are
Running around leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are"

Progress

Working on myself. I'm on a mission.

"You'll never have more time than you do RIGHT NOW!!!"

Running

Yesterday was day five of running. Can't say for sure but I think I've found my calling. Running makes me happy. Tonight I'm going to ouch myself and try to make it even further than my normal run.

Healthy

I'm really excited about working to get back in shape. I feel like running brings me joy. I have been going on daily walks with Henry for about a week now. We've just been going around our area and up this hill by my apartment. Yesterday we started running and it feels great. I want to get in shape and finally be healthy. At this point though, I'm not solely focused on losing weight. I'm running because I enjoy it and it makes me feel exhilarated. I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately and I am on a journey to become the person that I want to be. I am also going to start meditating and doing yoga to calm myself and become a balanced and peaceful person.

To be honest, I do not know what else is going to come but I am already feeling much better about who I am. I finally feel like I'm pulling myself out of a funk.

I'll write soon. 💛

Breathe

I am finally starting to feel like I can breathe again. I have been suffering for so long. Awareness is the first step to moving forward.

Soul

Going to be doing some soul searching soon. Stay tuned...

Writing

“You have to write the book that wants to be written. And if the book will be too difficult for grown-ups, then you write it for children.”
― Madeleine L'Engle

My Strength

"Can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life? If then you are not able to do so small a thing as that, why do you worry about the rest." (Luke 12:25-26)

"Trust in the Lord and do good; so you will live in the land, and enjoy security. Take delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for him." (Psalm 37:3-5, 7a)

Myths

"All myths contain a grain of truth, Ms. Lane. I've handled books and artifacts that will never find their way into a museum or library, things no archaeologist or historian could ever make sense of. There are many realities pocketed away in the one we call our own. Most go blindly about their lives and never see beyond the ends of their noses. Some of us do."

-Karen Marie Moning

The Road Not Taken

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,And that has made all the difference."

-Robert Frost

Dreaming

The feelings that I have are unhealthy and my hopes are unrealistic. At times the emotions are overwhelming. I mostly feel angry at myself for allowing my delusional mind to get extremely carried away.

My dreams are the worst.
When I wake up, I sometimes blur my reality with the dream. It makes waking up and facing my life all the more depressing.

Given the choice between my reality and my dreams, I would choose to live in my dreams... Every Time.

Turning Page

I’ve waited a hundred years
But I’d wait a million more for you
Nothing prepared me for
What the privilege of being yours would do

If I had only felt the warmth within your touch
If I had only seen how you smile when you blush
Or how you curl your lip when you concentrate enough
Well I would have known
What I was living for all along
What I’ve been living for

Your love is my turning page
Where only the sweetest words remain
Every kiss is a cursive line
Every touch is a redefining phrase
I surrender who I’ve been for who you are
For nothing makes me stronger than your fragile heart
If I had only felt how it feels to be yours
Well I would have known
What I’ve been living for all along
What I’ve been living for

Though we’re tethered, to the story we must tell
When I saw you, well I knew we’d tell it well
With the whisper, we will tame the vicious scenes
Like a feather, bringing kingdoms to their knees

Learning

Love is everything. Find it, and enjoy every minute of it. It fades.

I'm back...

I haven't blogged in two months!!! Okay, well a lot has happened. I have been so busy. Alex and I are getting ready to move into a new place, it's a lot bigger than our current apartment and we're very excited. It's in a much nicer area (Rancho San Diego) as well. On May 19th, at the beach, Alex asked me the question that every girl waits her whole life to be asked. There is a picture below. We are very happy. Just wanted to write something short about what has been going on. I will be writing again soon. There won't be anymore two month absences.

Different

"I am too young to understand that a man and a woman can love each other so deeply that their hearts beat as if they were one heart, and yet, at the same time, know that they are utterly hopelessly different."

-Philippa Gregory

Familiar

"It's natural in times of great perplexity, I think, to seek out the familiar, and the high shelves and long rows of neatly lined-up spines were immensely reassuring. Amid the smell of ink and binding, the dusty motes in beams of strained sunlight, the embrace of warm, tranquil air, I felt that I could breathe more easily."

-Kate Morton
The Distant Hours

Letters

"It started with a letter.... For it is said, you know, that a letter will always seek a reader; that sooner or later, like it or not, words have a way of finding the light, of making their secrets known."

-Kate Morton
The Distant Hours

Beautiful Day

I don't usually love the sun... but today is nice. Lunch under the umbrella at work. I got an iPhone yesterday. Still obsessed with it.

Good Morning

I haven't written lately because I needed a break from sharing my thoughts with the world. So, I bought a journal. I've been writing often and it helps that my words are for my eyes only. I hope it rains this weekend. I live for that kind of weather.

I have some great quotes that I'm going to write out in a little, they're from the current book that I'm reading. It's called The Distant Hours by Kate Morton. Definitely worth the read.

Absence

I haven't written in a while.
It's been a shitty month.


I'll write soon.