Quiet

Lack of entries lately.

I'll write soon.

Falling Slowly

"I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You'll make it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice

You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing it loud."

I Am

"I am: yet what I am none cares or knows,
My friends forsake me like a memory lost;
I am the self-consumer of my woes,
They rise and vanish in oblivious host,
Like shades in love and death's oblivion lost;
And yet I am! and live with shadows tost

Into the nothingness of scorn and noise,
Into the living sea of waking dreams,
Where there is neither sense of life nor joys,
But the vast shipwreck of my life's esteems;
And e'en the dearest--that I loved the best--
Are strange--nay, rather stranger than the rest.

I long for scenes where man has never trod;
A place where woman never smil'd or wept;
There to abide with my creator, God,
And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept:
Untroubling and untroubled where I lie;
The grass below--above the vaulted sky."

-John Clare

Parks and Ponds

"Parks and ponds are good by day;
I do not delight
In black acres of the night,
Nor my unseasoned step disturbs
The sleeps of trees or dreams of herbs."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Excited

Ahhhh... so many things are happening!
:D

Remember Me

"Songs and smells will bring you back to a moment in time more than anything else. It's amazing how much can be conjured with a few notes of a song or a solitary whiff of a room. A song you didn't even pay attention to at the time, a place that you didn't even know had a particular smell."
-Emily Giffin

Nightmare

It started with a dream.... well to be honest, my dream was actually a nightmare. My nightmare became an idea. My idea has become an obsession. My obsession will become a book.

Thanks

"First, stop referring to yourself as an “aspiring writer.” You might aspire to get paid for what you do, but you are a writer if you write… As a corollary, stop worrying that you won’t be good enough, or comparing yourself to others. Don’t let the idea of a novel overwhelm or intimidate you so much that you are too afraid to begin. It’s like training for a marathon. Nobody gets out there and runs twenty-six miles on their first effort. It takes daily training and discipline and desire. There’s no real magic to writing a novel or one method that works for all—it’s just a question of attacking the project sentence by paragraph by page by chapter... Write what you feel and be fiercely honest. If you don’t feel a deep connection to your characters and writing, then chances are nobody else will."

-Emily Giffin

Numb

Maybe people should know how much I don't care anymore.

Numb. Everything is always numb.

Mother

I wish I could take joy in Mother's Day. I wish that I felt grateful to have an amazing mother. But I don't and I never will. And sometimes, especially days like Mother's Day... it's hard. I wish I could make her understand how much she hurts me every minute of every day. But more than anything, I wish that I could help her. I need her so much.

Speak

"I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope."

Words

"That was the thing about words, they were clear and specific--chair, eye, stone-- but when you talked about feelings, words were too stiff, they were this and not that, they couldn't include all the meanings. In defining, they always left something out."

Scarlett

Complexion of scarlett,
Still air.
Lingering thoughts,
Admit it.
Despair,
Radiation.
Simple and safe,
Comfort with desperation.
Longing thoughts,
Admit it.
Raw glances,
See you.
Loud ears,
Hear you.
Black hole named Chance,
Abyss... nothing.
Eyes, reveries, words, intensity.
Inevitable, change, everything.
Blush- burning.
Scarlett.

5/5/11

Incandescence

Ice will fever,
Long winters gone.
Memories,
Canvases open.
Chills are luxuries,
Crystal thread and fine points.
Spinning,
Ring a round.
White shades,
Round summers.
Incandescence might last.

5/3/11

Tattoo

"Remember it all, every insult, every tear. Tattoo it on the inside of your mind. In life, knowledge of poisons is essential. I've told you, nobody becomes an artist unless they have to."
-Janet Fitch

I remember because I have to remember, but maybe someday I will remember because I choose to remember.

Big Day

Alex is graduating from USD in three weeks!

I'm so proud of him. He's worked so hard these last two years at USD. He's graduating with a Bachelors in Business Administration (with a 3.6 GPA). Yeah, I'm bragging.

He only deserves the best things in life. I wish I could put into words how amazing he is.
I know that someday he will realize what a kind spirit he has and how much his smile and laughter affect the people around him.

Summer

I want a summer storm. They're perfect.

Scream

Most of the time, I just want to scream.

May

May reminds me of my grandmother... I miss her terribly. I hope it's a good month.